On Webhandles

And now for a bit of brief caustic levity. 

I’ve been reading blogs again, and thanks to the Massive Multiplayer Crossover the Core Theory is providing, there’s a fairly large base of commenters that help on each blog.  Now, I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s still bugging me.  It’s starting to drive me just a little bit crazy.  I have to ask again: What the hell is up with all the weird blogger names?

I mean, you’ve got your basic names, like Danny and Shannon and Zeke and Robert.  These are normal names, and there’s absolutely no problem with that.  And then there are names that might be real names but are just really unique, like Maduin or Genevieve.  I don’t have a problem with that either. 

It’s everything else that’s bugging me.  First of all, there’s the single-letter names.  Seriously.  There’s a lot of them.  I’ve seen an A, B, J (And there are an abundance of Jeffs, Jays, and Js.  Usually two of them at the same time), M, and X.  That’s not nearly all the letters of the alphabet, but it’s still a lot.

And then you have your all the rest.  These are everything from “poetic” (Eyes Open, Suspended Gates, The Lexiconal) to “cool” (Zero, Battery Resistance, Reach, TheArsonist) to “symbolic” (Possibly Zero and Reach again, Omega, EyesOpen again, greenlight (why couldn’t you just stick with “Robert Sage?”)).

Seriously, what is up with this?  I hear that people are complaining that the Core Theory is creating too many Mary Sues.  Well no shit, considering that you sound like you belong in a paperback bargain-bin fantasy novel alongside characters like “Raven Starklocke” or “Ebony Snow.”  Seriously, it’s cheesy.  We’re attempting to create a legend here, not a fanfiction.

Come on, guys.  I know you’re trying to be unique.  But if you get too many snowflakes, it’s a blizzard.  And those things kinda suck.  Take it from a country boy.  They kill your power and make feeding the animals even less pleasant.

I know I’m making a mountain out of a molehill here.  In all honesty, this post is an embellishment.  An exaggeration.  I’m mostly teasing.  But there’s some truth here.  I’m not telling you to change your names or anything.  I’m just reminding you that a speshul name doesn’t necessarily make you speshul.  I’d much rather prefer “James” to “Bane” when it comes to vanquishing this guy.



About Li'l Andy K

Hey, everyone. I'm a sophomore at [University name removed for my own privacy] who's taken a liking to the Slender Man myth. I have taken a strong liking to the Slender Man myth. The Slender Man myth has taken a strong liking to me.
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7 Responses to On Webhandles

  1. Passer-By says:

    Says the “Alpha”. *snickers* ^^
    I sure hope “Passer-By” is okay. It’s at least moved away from the German Ö in Broeckchen.

  2. Maduin says:

    I don’t know about the rest of them, but Zero’s and mine are video game characters and I’ve been using “Silver Maduin” for seven years now.

    And as to your question in general, I don’t see anything exceptional about all these handles except maybe proper spelling/capitalisation and lack of numbers.
    And I find myself liking those traits.

  3. Omega says:

    I’ve been using Omega for years. There was some symbolism behind it when I first started using it, but now it’s just because it’s the name I go by.
    Besides, seeing people named “Bob” or “Susan” all the time online would just get boring.

  4. Li'l Andy K says:

    Jeeeeeez, people, did you miss the part about this being me mostly kidding, or where I sign of as “Alpha” and link it to Hypocritical Humor? I’m just trollin’ y’all for teh lulz. Taking playful jabs. I’m sure most of you have had your handles for some time now, and most of them aren’t really all that bad. I just needed to make myself laugh. Hopefully some of you will reread it and not take it seriously. Get a chuckle out of the absurdity of some of these names. And of webhandles in general, for that matter. I mean, I go by “TheNerdyNinja” in some places. How’s that for a lame name?


  5. Zero says:

    I wholeheartedly agree with most of your comments, dude.

    People writing up fictional accounts of themselves as mary sue types in order to feel better about themselves, is pretty lame.

    And Maduin is correct, I liked Zero from Megaman X when I was playing those games, used him as a character in my old Heroes Unlimited game, made an email featuring his name, and it stuck.

    I don’t consider it mysterious, though I can see it being considered as such.

    Take care.

  6. Camool says:

    Genevieve is a completely normal name.

  7. Mystery120 says:

    I use this name online everywhere, and though it might not be what you‘re commenting on, names like this give people some ‘singularity‘ or an ‘identity‘. And it‘s definitly okay to give yourself a laugh, just make sure everybody understands it.

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